PB First Lines April 2024 Edition

Featuring Kate Rietema

Welcome to the April 2024 edition of PB First Lines!

I'm so glad you're here. 

If you have a book coming out in 2024 and you’d like to be included in a future collection, fill out one of these forms!

I’m excited to have Kate Rietema share the revision journey of the first line of her new picture book, When God Makes Scribbles Beautiful, art by Jennie Poh.

Original Line: Sometimes, bad and yucky things happen.

Revised Line: Sometimes, hard things happen.

Revision Process:

Each manuscript has its own revision journey, but this one seemed to focus on three main things: word choice, adding content, and finding a satisfying ending. 

I cringe a little when I read the original first line. Writing about difficult topics in picture books is tricky, and word choice become particularly important. The words “bad and yucky” sound harsh and scary. The word “hard” sounds empowering, because we know that “hard” can be overcome. This particular word revision was suggested by my wonderful agent. 

Aside from line-level and word-choice revisions like this, most of the original first draft is part of the final book, along with a few scenes that were added along the way. I think people tend to be “hack it down” revisers or “bulk it up” revisers. Most of my manuscripts need bulking-up during the revision process. From first draft to finished work, my manuscript grew from 210 words to 370 words. 

Endings are also challenging for me, and the original ending of this manuscript fell a bit flat. Early in the submission process, I had a fun R&R zoom call with an editor, and together we bounced some ideas around. By reusing an earlier line in the book, we were able to infuse a lot of heart with the last page turn. (As a side note, this editor wasn’t who ended up buying the manuscript, but we connected well and I’m hopeful to work with her in the future!)

Revision tip: Writing about a hard topic? Pay special attention to word choice. You want your words to resonate and set the tone for your story.

Happy revising!

ps. check out this first line blog post.