PB First Lines May 2025 Edition
Featuring Tanya Konerman and Mud to the Rescue!
Welcome to the May 2025 edition of PB First Lines!
I’m so glad you’re here.
If you’re interested in feedback on a first line, fill out this anonymous form, and I’ll analyze submissions in the next newsletter.
Tanya Konerman is here to share the revision journey of the first line of Mud to the Rescue!, art by Melanie Cataldo, out May 20. With spring rains often in the forecast in my corner of the world, this feels like the perfect time of year for this book!
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I first began writing Mud to the Rescue! about eight years ago, and it has gone through many iterations since then. My earliest version featured a girl named Cordelia who traveled around the world to find animals who use mud in their lives, and came in at a whopping 960 words!
2017/2018:
Meet Cordelia. Cordelia is a famous world explorer and animal authority. When the sun shines, Cordelia is outside, discovering new animals and interesting creatures during her expeditions. But Cordelia also looks forward to not-so-sunny days. Because if the sky is cloudy, it just might rain. And Cordelia loves the rain! Why? Because rain means MUD. And mud is what she-like so many of her animal discoveries-likes best.
After getting many rejections, then helpful feedback and critiques from other writers and editors, I knew I needed to make a drastic cut in length. I also wanted the writing to be less educational in tone, as well as more fun, lyrical, and jaunty, so I said goodbye to Cordelia and hello to onomatopoeia:
9/2021:
Drip.
Drop.
Splatter.
Splash.
As rain falls where it is
hot or cool, wet or dry,
up-high or down-low,
animals search for mud.
At this time, I was organizing the animals I feature in the story into the places and types of surroundings they live in (hot or cool, wet or dry, etc.), so this intro made sense. However, an editor who loved the idea of animals using mud requested a revision if I was game: He wanted the story to focus more on ecosystems and how all creatures are connected in many ways, their use of mud being one of them. This required changing my first lines to introduce this concept:
1/2022:
Our natural world is full of
millions of unique creatures,
plus trees, reefs,
fungi, flowers,
ponds, prairie grass,
rain, rocks...
and so much
more!
Each of these parts of Earth’s ecosystems
are pieces of nature’s puzzle.
Each puzzle piece fits its own way, in its own space.
Yet each piece also connects to others
in ways that are necessary to complete
the big picture of Life on Earth.
Connections that are important
to their—and our—survival.
Indeed, even the
sludgiest, squishiest,
squashiest, squelchiest
of these connections—MUD—
makes a difference in our puzzle!
Mud makes it possible
for creatures around the globe
to survive and thrive.
Because animals use mud...
While the editor loved the book and wanted to buy it, the marketing team at the publisher wasn’t on board. So, I set the story aside and worked again on other books. Then, I decided with my agent that I should go back to the fun version of this story, and to really amp up the lyricism (I’m a sucker for alliteration), as well as reorganize the categories the animals fit into:
8/2022:
Drip! Drop!
Splatter! Splash!
Rain falls and soil turns into mud.
Animals around the world seek this
slippy,
sloppy,
sludge
to help them...
stay cool
or warm,
build homes,
find food,
protect their bodies
or their young,
send signals,
and...
HAVE FUN!
Finally, liking this version but wanting to tighten it up even more to reflect the shorter text throughout the story as well as yet another reorganization of how I categorize the animals, I shortened the first lines to:
9/2022:
Drip! Drop!
Splatter! Splash!
Rain falls and soil turns into
slippy,
sloppy,
sludgy
mud
all around the world.
This version felt fun and lyrical and compact enough for the topic at hand. And an editor agreed in our next round of submissions, offering me a contract within two months of these changes!
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Revision tip: You want a consistent tone and formatting throughout your story, and that includes your first line. If your first line/spread is drastically shorter or longer, or denser or sparser, than the text in the rest of the story, consider revising to match.
If you read and enjoy Mud to the Rescue!, leave a review! If you need help getting started writing a review, read this blog post.
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