PB First Lines November 2024 Edition

Featuring Nadia Salomon and A VOICE OF HOPE: The Myrlie Evers-Williams Story

Welcome to the November 2024 edition of PB First lines!

I'm so glad you're here.

If you’re interested in feedback on a first line from one of your WIPs, pop it in the substack comments, and I’ll analyze them in the next edition of PB First Lines.

If you would like to be a featured author in 2025, fill out one of the First Line forms!

I’m thrilled to have Nadia Salomon back, this time sharing the revision journey of the first line of A Voice of Hope: The Myrlie Evers-Williams Story, art by London Ladd. Her book Goodnight Ganesha, art by Poonam Mistry, was included in the April 2022 collection of PB First Lines. A Voice of Hope is her first picture book biography. It is a beautiful, lyrical story about an inspiring civil rights activist.

*******

First draft:

Myrlie Louise Beasley experienced life through color.

She was born on St. Patrick’s Day in 1933.

Final draft:

Myrlie Evers-Williams stood before the nation on a chilly January day… 

Her voice – strong

yet gentle as a prayer.

Her voice – soft 

yet powerful enough to cut through hate. 

Her voice – soaring

like a song to spread hope. 

Published Draft:

Myrlie Evers-Williams stood before the nation on a chilly January day…

Her voice – strong

yet gentle.

Soft, 

yet powerful. 

Soaring—like a song spreading hope. 

But Myrlie’s voice didn’t start out that way.

A VOICE OF HOPE started out as MYRLIE AND ME, a concept picture book biography told through photos. A VOICE OF HOPE: The Myrlie Evers-Williams Story is now a narrative, illustrated by London Ladd, released by Philomel Books. It’s the first picture book biography I have written. It’s also the first ever picture book biography written about the remarkable life of Myrlie Evers-Williams. She is an unsung but legendary civil rights activist from Mississippi.

Like Myrlie, this picture book had to find its voice to transform into the book that it is. I tried to take different directions to make the concept work, but the concept was forced, lacked emotion, and no one connected with it like I wanted them to. 

I revised and revised until I hit version 15. It was close, but still not good enough. I made progress after I workshopped it with picture book guru Rob Sanders through The Writing Barn. I learned invaluable craft techniques that elevated my writing. I learned how to infuse more emotion, add throughlines, and overall be a better storyteller.

I sold version 16 with the first lines you see above in the Final Draft sample within two weeks of completing the workshop. I kept playing with the first lines during the editorial process, until we were all moved by the words and the way I opted to introduce Myrlie Evers-Williams. 

Version 16.5 is the revision including pagination. This is the version showcasing the first lines you see in the Published Draft.

I loved adding the transitional line: “But Myrlie’s voice didn’t start out that way…” before the page turn. It serves two purposes. It peaks the reader’s interest to turn the page and the reader learns how Myrlie found her voice. That… is one of the core themes of this biography.

I can see the difference when I look back now and compare my first lines. The words are strong and soaring, as noted in the Kirkus review we received for the book.

******

Revision tip: If you’re struggling to find your way to a first line that sings, consider a craft webinar. Sometimes we need a little professional inspiration to get our creative juices flowing. Please leave a comment to recommend any such resources you’ve found helpful. Rebecca Gardyn Levington, whose books have been part of past PB First Lines collections, has a fantastic list of resources on her website.

**If you have read and enjoyed A Voice of Hope: The Myrlie Evers-Williams Story, leave a review! If you need help getting started writing a review, read this blog post.**